DIY Flaxseed Hair Gel

INGREDIENTS

DIRECTIONS

✨Boil water + flaxseed in pot. Stir with wooden spoon until white frothy gel like liquid forms.🌋

✨Continue stirring while it simmers. 🌊

✨Remove from heat 🔥

✨Strain over bowl. (Repeat this until all seed is separate from gel… took me about 4 strains)

✨Allow to cool cold 🌬

✨Add aloe 🌱 , Vitamin E + Essential Oils. 💧

✨Store in container in fridge. Use within 2 – 3 weeks, will expire. Vitamin E should help persevere but please check as you use to make sure it’s still good. ⭐️💫🖤

My Body, My Journey

before anyone rolls their eyes at the before picture, let me remind you…

this is my body and journey.

I didn’t start at the gym 5 months ago to lose weight.

Years ago I made loads of changes to the way I eat, this has impacted my ability to lose the weight after each pregnancy. Losing weight doesn’t mean fit however.

I work from home, I’m there 24/7 and although the scale might have said a number most would think as #goals

 I know my body and the strength it’s capable of. I was ready to test my abilities physically while helping myself clear my mind and have sometime out of the house. I needed something outside work + kids.

It’s amazing how much energy you have to get up for the gym at 5am when you’re not hungover. 😬

now listen. It wasn’t barfing with hangovers everyday or anything, but it was absolutely mind blowing to me even the impact of one or two glasses of wine would have on my morning and daily routine.

Creating a new habit of showing up to the gym 4 days a week has helped me push my limits, clear my mind and remind myself how strong my body is. I love seeing it change and I love pushing myself to get up everyday, it’s sucks when the alarm goes off but once I’m there and the music is blaring. It’s on!! 🙌🏼✨🖤

I’m a better mom when I’m taking care of myself. I’m a better girlfriend when I’m a better mom and I work like a boss when I feel the people I love needs are being met. I don’t need more motivation than that. ✨😍🖤

Highlight Reel

This picture popped up in my feed this morning.

2 years ago we moved into the second house in North Carolina. The one I thought would be it!

It would change it all, it would change him. We would make it, we would survive.

Gosh I thought this was gonna be it, guys. This room. This house. All of it.

But it didn’t matter. The perfect cul-de-sac full of kids to play with, light walls and organized shelves. None of it was gonna change what was happening.

We were too far gone. He was too far gone and the lies and charade unraveled.

Right outside this office I had to wipe up my blood from my broken face not one month later. 😞

I worked sooo hard in that house during that time. For our life. I had launched my Etsy store and it was doing so well. I started Carter in preschool with money I had made, and used my entire YL paycheck for the deposit on the new house. He promised me it would get better. I believed if I just did the things, he would get better. 😞

I moved our entire house from the farm to there on my own with 3 kids one of which was a baby. I believe I got 3 hours of help total to move the big items. The rest I did, including cleaning the house we were renting and leaving back to the owners in near perfection on my own. #heresyoursign

I don’t know how much more proof I needed, I was on my own well before we actually left. I guess when you have a “stand by your man” mentally and “I can do/fix it” personality you tend to think that it’s fixable with just the right work.

Unfortunately that’s not how addiction and narcissism works. You can’t perfect the life around someone into changing. You can NOT do something for someone they don’t want for themselves. + you sure as hell can not fix people who do not see that they are broken.

You can’t fix things that you didn’t break. #alittlelouderfortheonesintheback

Just remember when you’re scrolling around Instagram and Facebook this Monday morning and you see that pretty picture of that very organized shelf, before you judge that against your own life you’re living remember it is exactly the picture that the person wants you to see and it is very rarely what is actually happening in real life.

Comparison will steal your joy.

You are worthy.

You are enough.

🖤✨

Get Your Boy, I’ll Handle Mine.

This morning I woke for the gym with a message being told by FTG’s aunt that I shouldn’t share + post like I do to protect my boys.

The irony is thick with this one. 🙃🙃

SPOILER: they wont need my Instagram to form an opinion of their father, he is doing his own job showing them IRL.

I won’t be silenced or guilted. I am 100% putting my children first, that’s been for always. I’ll be damned if I won’t post for the women and the kids still stuck. Nope. This is for them.

I won’t be quiet because reading what I wrote (aka lived 😞) makes you uncomfortable. Do you think my mother or father like hearing or reading how awful things were? NO! But they forgive themselves for not knowing or understanding.

We are building a life of PEACE, TRUTH, HAPPINESS and LOVE. We are NOT hiding or lying to save face. We aren’t pretending people or times of our lives don’t exists.

Get your boy and I’ll handle mine. kthanks.  #blessandrelease#yougotmetwisted#fuckthatguy#ftg#ifyouonlyknew

If You Only Knew.

Imagine a place that no matter how pretty or perfect you made it you still couldn’t feel happy or safe.

Imagine a place no matter the colors or organization it was always dark + chaotic.

Living a nightmare. 

Imagine your sanctuary as the devils playground. Sadness when there should be joy and fear when there should be love.

Now imagine breaking free. 

Taking only what matters and beginning again.

Starting fresh, letting in light, making amends; trusting your gut to push you through the transitions and allowing so much beautiful change.

Even when it doesn’t feel real, or like you didn’t deserve it. You can manifest and create the life you want and so desperately need but you must begin in the direction of change.

You must trust that you were absolutely made for more happiness, love and light. You must be willing to be comfortable with being uncomfortable + never freaking give up.

If you could see behind so many of the scenes. Before I was sharing our story…you would see the wheels of change I was forced to make slowly and without notice; I was building my raft to freedom + change alone but we made it.

Be careful how you judge those in their winning season, you have no idea what they lost in their losing season.

Drop it like its NOT Vetiver

If you’re not using a dropper on your Vetiver you are oiling too hard.

Grab a set of 3 from my site. These 5 and 15 ML droppers make thick oils come out of the bottle without losing your dang mind. I can’t do the warm in the bra trick, I totes lack in that department 🙋🏻‍♀️ so these are a lifesaver.  They are also great for other thicker oils like Myrrh or special blends + make filling capsules a breeze! 🙌🏼🖤 

Grab Yours HERE

Self Care Like a Boss

This time last year I got my itovi!!!

I was so excited to scan all the humans. Still am. 🤗

The girl on the left by no means needed to lose any weight or change her body. She really just needed some work on the INSIDE.

Over the last year I’ve busted my butt to heal my mind, body and soul after many many years of “taking one for the team” mentally + physically.

It’s amazing what happens to all aspects of your life when you start taking care of yourself. #selfcare

I’m not talking bubble baths and glasses of wine. That’s not self care where I’m from. At least not anymore. 😌 #SoberAF

Real self care is doing the work. Healing from the inside out. ✨✨

Taking accountability and control of your life and destiny by not playing victim to circumstance or problems that arise. Finding action steps to get yourself out of anything that does not bring your life happiness and peace. #blessandrelease

Taking the time to be grateful for all the things and try to be a better human each day.

Loving on your people and yourself. #graceupongrace

Saying NO when you know it’s not for you.

Saying NO when you see an injustice to those around you. #notjustyoutoo

Influence the world to be light, love and peace + you will receive it back. #lawofattraction

The First Time

February 26, 2017 feels like ages ago yet if I think long enough I can still feel his fingers on my neck and ears. It legit sends shivers down my spine aand all of a sudden I’m there again. Holding my glasses…taking a beating.

I like to refer to the first time that #FTG beat me as the first time and the time we left (where he smashed me bloody in front of the boys) as the last time.

It helps me put a timeline to the chaos and it also makes it clear that this was not something I tolerated or lived with for long.

Now don’t get me wrong, after leaving, I’ve since learned the non-physical abuse is the hardest part to recover + attempt to heal from.

I often tell people I would take a million head butts to the forehead over the words he would say and the life he forced me to believe was mine to live.

You see a man hitting or striking you especially in front of your kids to me was a deal breaker, done. Of course.

But that’s not how it was, he only did everything else… stories for another day.

Growing up catholic it was ingrained in your head that marriage is forever, you “stand by your man” & moms take care of the family. That’s all I knew. Thank you, marriage class in high school. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I just thought I just picked a bad one and this was my life. A jerk, absent, self absorbed dude that just didn’t know how to be a good human + now this was my husband and father of my boys for better or worse. Seemed mainly worse and it sucked. He sucked. #barf

For YEARS I was so mad at myself. WHY HIM!?

But then I would look at Jax and just knew I was doing something right.

Jaxson was NOT planned, we found out he was coming only 9 months after I even met FTG. The 22-24 year old me was not the best at life decisions. Let’s just leave it at that for now. 😬

I felt like this was the price I pay for having kids without planning, their dad is shit. Now how fucked is that thinking?? Catholic guilt is real, my friends.

When people are just bad on the inside there’s nothing that you can do, there’s nothing that you can ever do to fix them. But I’m a fixer by nature so this failure to fix this very broken and sick man only took its toll on me and my self worth, confidence and overall out look on life. He basically beat me from the inside out.

That all being said it didn’t get violent til the end.

The first time although less bloody was far more traumatizing for me.

It’s was a good 45 minutes possibly more I was choked, pushed, dragged and thrown around. He held me in the air by my throat with my feet just dangling down as he made threats to shoot me and bury me in the backyard. At one point he had his gun and he was heading upstairs with the boys making threats to me. He tried to pull my ears off my actual face, he pulled and yanked on my nose, he pushed his fingers into my rib cage and dug his elbows into my sides. I’m convinced all that was to hurt me but leave less marks. It felt as if he was trying to take my ears and nose off. It’s a feeling I will never forget. At one point he slammed me so hard against the cabinets in the kitchen that a chunk of my hair was hanging from the knob the next day.

During all of this I did nothing. I didn’t fight back. I didn’t yell. I didn’t do anything.

I still sometimes really struggle with this.

Why didn’t I fight him off?

Why didn’t I do more?

I’m feisty. I’m strong. I NEVER would have thought I would go down without a fight. But I did. I didn’t fight. I didn’t yell. I hardly cried or made sounds of the excruciating pain.

I really believe that’s what saved me.

Maybe I did fight?

Staying calm and almost allowing him to do what he did gave me the control he clearly didn’t have. I just calmly would say.

You will never get away with this. There is no way. If you kill me you will go down for this. They will find you. You’re not smart enough to clean up this mess. I’m going to have marks all over. I can still feel your fingers in my face and neck. You will never get away with this.

It was about midnight when this was happening. The boys were upstairs sleeping but I’m still convinced Jax woke and that’s actually what calmed Jason down enough for him to leave.

This had stemmed from a huge series of events, lies and scams by him. He had been staying in a room downstairs since we moved there just one month prior and I was building my plan to leave him.

He had chosen pills and lies for the last time and when he continued to empty our bank act and I couldn’t even pay Carter’s tuition at preschool I had enough.

I was going to leave him + that was that. He knew it was over and between that and my attempts to cut off his access to our money set him out of control. Without access to cash he couldn’t get pills and if you know anything about a pill addict you understand there was no stopping him, the lack of pills and money only enraged + instigated him.

But I needed to stop his spending and stealing from us. I work virtually so all my funds need a bank and I never have cash. Even after cutting up cards, closing acts and hiding my purse every night he would still find ways to get in the bank and take money and leave us with nothing.

I didn’t have money for tampons or food. He left us without our basic needs and to me I didn’t need a deal breaker anymore. I just needed away from him.

The lack of pills pushed him slowly into detox and this is where it all escalated and with quickness.

I said something he misunderstood and before I knew it I was hanging in the air by my neck. I didn’t run or try to get away when he came at me, I was confused, I think. My head still couldn’t grasp that he was capable of physically assaulting me.

It wasn’t til my body was dangling above the 6.3 ft monster and I went into opossum mode did I see the black in his eyes and his empty soul.

I didn’t know what to do. But I knew we were never going to recover from this.

6 Months Alcohol Free

Today I celebrate 🎉

++ yes I got myself a balloon (a month ago in fact 😵)

because I’m real damn proud of myself. 😎

1/2 a FRANKin’ YEAR!! 🤩🙌🏼🖤 I can’t even begin to tell you all the positive changes my life, mind, heart + soul have felt over these last 184 days. The light + abundance is real.

I’m thankful for each day I get to feel all the things and this is just the beginning.

Long before I decided to finally put down the Tito’s bottle for the last time, I followed sober instagrams, lived by Pinterest quotes and read so many blogs on being Sober, getting sober and combatting alcohol abuse.

I have always been a if they can do it, I can do it too person and with my sobriety, its been no different.

I wanted the control, the healthy skin glow, the change, the LIGHT. 

I wanted to celebrate instead of feel shame, I wanted to wake up hangover free and be present in my boys daily lives. I wanted ALL sober life could bring and I only knew that was possible because others before me showed me so.

So today I post another look at me living my best Sober life because I know there’s another mama deep in the trenches, in that closet with yet another empty bottle. I do it for her in hopes one day she can feel strong enough to do this too.

When I gave up drinking I was fearful to share, a HUGE part of my story is leaving my abusive and drug addicted ex. I feared people could use my alcohol use as an excuse for why my life had taken the turn it did. But daily I remind myself they have no idea what it’s like to live with someone who you fear, who makes you want to hide, who takes your basic needs and confidence away daily. Only those who have been forced to sleep with a monster will understand what it takes to cope and for those I share. It’s ok to have your own weakness and darkness. Shame and fear only feed the monster you’re trying to survive. So speaking up is the only way and although it makes me raw and vulnerable I know I’m helping so many. Today, I share + celebrate again. 

Happy 6 months to me!

a little sunshine + whole lotta love

It’s amazing what a little bit a sunshine + whole lotta love will do for a girl. 😌🖤✨✨✨

Today 2 years ago we got the keys to a beautiful bright home with hope that yet another game of make believe will finally make life ok. 


Less than 45 days later my dad and brother were helping us load up what we could grab (I think it was 6 diffusers and zero socks if you’ve heard the story 😉). With my broken face + even more broken spirit, I packed up my terrified + confused children and we left.

I don’t think I’ve even been more unhappy then when we were in North Carolina, I blamed the weather, I blamed the state but now we know.

All that known, I absolutely wouldn’t change it if I had the chance.

Every single blood, sweat and tear brought us to where we are today.

I could not be more thankful + grateful that we are finally beyond happy, safe + loved. 🖤✨