Choice or Created for Survival?

It’s very interesting the change that takes place when you are around a person that fiercely loves you and wants you happy.

When your home is no longer a battle ground or war zone but rather a retreat and safe haven, what happens inside, is simply amazing.

the peace + ease you feel…. #nowords ☺️😍

You’re able to take the sweetest touch, a kind tone and small gesture and appreciate it completely and not for one second take any of it for granted.

Sometimes I get sad for the years that seemed so wasted, the ones I didn’t even know how bad it was.

When I was still trying to ignore and numb what was clear as day.

It’s sad sometimes thinking of the time soo very sad + alone.

But it’s also so freeing. It’s so liberating to know I will never feel that “nothing” again.

I can’t apologize to the old me for just trying to survive but I thank her for being so strong and brave to get us safely and happy here. ✨🖤✨🖤

You gotta Nourish to Flourish.

I’ve gained almost 20… yes 20 lbs in 6 months! 😬😬 and although 10 ish I probably needed after we moved back home…. the rest I do NOT! 
Truth is I’m happy these days. I’m doing more cooking and more treat yo’self ing. 😏😂

But I’m not really making good choices and def not working out! 
At the ripe age of 34.5 years old, I must make sure that I’m taking great care of a body I want to last me at least another 50 Years!!! Just checking in to see who wants to join me and help keep each other accountable and motivated.

I’m going to be to

  • ✅Drinking my Ningxia Red
  • ✅Taking my supplements
  • ✅Drinking my complete protein shake
  • ✅Drinking 70 ounces of water
  • ✅Working out for 30 mins 4 days a week (really want to do 6!!)

For food I’ll be

  • ✅meal planning & prepping
  • ✅upping my greens
  • ✅limiting my carbs
  • ✅opting for natural sugar only
  • ✅& attempting minimal alcohol intake 😬🤦🏻‍♀️ 

#prayforkiki 😂

Usually They Stay

Real talk? 🤷🏻‍♀️

It felt harder after we left.

&& just when I thought we got this. The tidal wave of life swept us away again .

“Usually they stay they say. you left that’s all that matters. You did the right thing. You’re strong. You’re brave. One day they will understand and be so proud.”

You hear this. 
You know this could all be true.

But that doesn’t help the guilt, the should have, could have, would haves that keep you up all night.

It doesn’t erase the flashbacks from taking over your mind. it certainly doesn’t help my boys deal with a situation I, an adult wasn’t ready to handle.

It doesn’t pay the bills. && it doesn’t heal the pain. 
It does however empower me in times where I can’t go on. && it will always be my beacon on where to just focus my energy, light and love to build us our best life. 


Usually they stay…I am brave ++ one day they will understand and will be so proud of me. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤