18 MONTHS

๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚โ€™๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜ ๐—ด๐—ผ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ณ๐—ฒ ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐—ท๐˜‚๐˜€๐˜ ๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฒ ๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐˜†.

๐—๐˜‚๐˜€๐˜ ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐˜† ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐˜๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐˜„.

1๏ธโƒฃ8๏ธโƒฃ ๐—™๐—ฅ๐—”๐—ก๐—ž๐—œ๐—กโ€™ ๐— ๐—ข๐—ก๐—ง๐—›๐—ฆ!! ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜โ€™๐˜€ ๐—ฎ ๐˜„๐—ต๐—ผ๐—น๐—ฒ ๐—น๐—ผ๐˜๐˜๐—ฎ ๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฒ ๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐˜†๐˜€ ๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐—ฎ ๐˜๐—ถ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐—ธ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜‚๐—ฝ. ๐Ÿ–คย #teetotaler

a little bit of sunshine & a whole lot of love

Itโ€™s amazing what a little bit a sunshine + whole lotta love will do for a girl. ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ–คโœจโœจโœจโฃ

Today 3 years ago we got the keys to a beautiful bright home with hope that yet another game of make believe will finally make life ok. โฃ
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Less than 45 days later my dad and brother were helping us load up what we could grab (I think it was 6 diffusers and zero socks if youโ€™ve heard the story ๐Ÿ˜‰). โฃ
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With my broken face + even more broken spirit, I packed up my terrified + confused children and we left.โฃ
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I donโ€™t think Iโ€™ve even been more unhappy then when we were in North Carolina, I blamed the weather, I blamed the state but now we know.โฃ
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All that known, I absolutely wouldnโ€™t change it if I had the chance.โฃ
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Every single drop of blood, sweat and tears brought us to where we are today. + I could not be more thankful + grateful that we are beyond happy, safe + loved. ๐Ÿ–คโœจโœจโœจ

Dreams on Dreams on Dreams

Tonight we manifested our dreams for 2020 and made dry shampoo to use while we tackle them.โœจ๐ŸŒฑ๐Ÿ–ค We dropped rose on our crown, diffused into the future and listened to meditation music.
It was spiritual, peaceful + everything my heart needed. ๐Ÿ–ค

My one word for 2020 is community and this evening was the perfect start. ๐ŸŒฑ

DIY | Dry Shampoo

๐˜ฟ๐™„๐™” ๐˜ฟ๐™๐™” ๐™Ž๐™ƒ๐˜ผ๐™ˆ๐™‹๐™Š๐™Šโฃ
ษดแดษด-แด›แดxษชแด„ + แด€สŸสŸ ษดแด€แด›แดœส€แด€สŸ โฃ

๐™„๐™‰๐™‚๐™๐™€๐˜ฟ๐™„๐™€๐™‰๐™๐™Ž โฃ
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2 ๐™๐˜ฝ๐™Ž ๐˜ผ๐™ง๐™ง๐™ค๐™ฌ๐™ง๐™ค๐™ค๐™ฉ ๐™‹๐™ค๐™ฌ๐™™๐™š๐™งโฃ
5 ๐™™๐™ง๐™ค๐™ฅ๐™จ ๐™‡๐™–๐™ซ๐™š๐™ฃ๐™™๐™š๐™งโฃ
5 ๐™™๐™ง๐™ค๐™ฅ๐™จ ๐˜พ๐™š๐™™๐™–๐™ง๐™ฌ๐™ค๐™ค๐™™โฃ
5 ๐™™๐™ง๐™ค๐™ฅ๐™จ ๐™๐™ค๐™จ๐™š๐™ข๐™–๐™ง๐™ฎโฃ
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For ๐˜ฝ๐™๐™๐™‰๐™€๐™๐™๐™€ ๐™ƒ๐˜ผ๐™„๐™ add:โฃ
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2 ๐™๐˜ฝ๐™Ž ๐˜พ๐™ค๐™˜๐™ค๐™– ๐™‹๐™ค๐™ฌ๐™™๐™š๐™งโฃ
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For ๐˜ฝ๐™‡๐™Š๐™‰๐˜ฟ๐™€ ๐™ƒ๐˜ผ๐™„๐™ add:โฃ
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3/4 ๐™ฉ๐™จ๐™ฅ ๐™๐™ช๐™ข๐™š๐™ง๐™ž๐™˜ โฃ
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For ๐™๐™€๐˜ฟ ๐™ƒ๐˜ผ๐™„๐™ add:โฃ
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2 1/4 ๐™ฉ๐™จ๐™ฅ ๐™‹๐™–๐™ฅ๐™ง๐™ž๐™ ๐™– โฃ
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๐™ƒ๐™Š๐™’ ๐™๐™Š ๐™ˆ๐˜ผ๐™†๐™€:โฃ
Add all ingredients to a bowl and stir until they are thoroughly combined. โฃ
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Transfer your dry shampoo to an airtight jar for storage. โฃ
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๐™ƒ๐™Š๐™’ ๐™๐™Š ๐™๐™Ž๐™€:โฃ
First, grab the makeup brush and apply dry shampoo to the roots around forehead and temples. This is typically the area that needs the most volume. Next, I flip my head over and use the brush to apply it to the rest of my scalp.โฃ
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After that, allow the powder to set for 2-3 minutes, then brush your hair from root to tip. This helps to distribute the powder throughout your hair as well as remove any excess.โฃ
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Now, run your fingers through your hair and look for oily places you may have missed. โฃ
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Spot apply as needed, then brush again. Ideally, youโ€™ll want to give your hair 5-10 minutes to fully absorb the shampoo before styling, but if youโ€™re in a rush go ahead and style immediately.๐ŸŒฑโœจ๐Ÿ–ค

I wish I could tell her.

Wish I could tell her. โฃ
Wish I could warn her. โฃ
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You really think this is it.โฃ
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Itโ€™s not. โฃ
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RUN.
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๐Ÿ–คโฃ
๐Ÿ–คโฃ
๐Ÿ–คโฃ
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Not even 6 weeks later he beat me up so horrifically in that beautiful kitchen, I still get flashbacks and have a hard time with the memories. โฃ
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2 weeks after that the blood from my face was splattered on the other side of that door as he almost killed me front of our children…..๐Ÿ˜ž โฃ
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๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–คโฃ
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Changing the house didnโ€™t change a thing. โฃ
Leaving the abuse changed EVERYTHING. โœจ๐Ÿ–ค

Oh Kiki

Keeks been sick + working for the last 2 days yet, he came home with flowers and my favorite chocolate for me, to stay thanks for taking care of him. Iโ€™m not surprised the elderberry and oils worked but Iโ€™ll never stop being in awe and wonder of this mans love and the way he shows me.

This morning, I woke to a big withdrawal/transaction I wasnโ€™t expecting pretty much emptying an account Iโ€™m trying to save money in.

Basically I woke to money missing that I wasnโ€™t expecting and all of a sudden I was that scared woman hiding her wallet at night from her addict husband wondering how we will pay bills.๐Ÿ˜” Itโ€™s a feeling that flashes back and that feels so real it takes over me and my emotions.

Yโ€™all. When Iโ€™m like this itโ€™s not pretty. I fully expected him to rush off to work just to avoid my meltdown but he stayed. He brought me coffee, he put on my favorite show to distract me and he showed me kindness, grace and love.

Like always him simply being there reminded me that I am safe. I am ok. I can handle this and anything life throws my way and heโ€™s always going to protect me. ๐Ÿ–ค๐ŸŒฑย #ohkikiย #keeksncokes

Let it GO.

Your new life is going to cost you your old one.

Itโ€™s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction.

Itโ€™s going to cost you relationships and friends. Itโ€™s going to cost you being liked and understood. But it doesnโ€™t matter.

Because the people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side. And youโ€™re going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward.

And instead of like, youโ€™re going to be loved. Instead of understanding, youโ€™re going to be seen.

All youโ€™re going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are.

Let it go. โ€“ Brianna Wiest

Maybe

Maybe we donโ€™t heal by convincing ourselves that someday, the pain will fade; that weโ€™ll return to our former selves and reclaim the life we used to have.

Maybe we heal when we accept that itโ€™s okay to never go back; when we stop trying to use the broken pieces to rebuild the old picture, and instead, create a new one.

Maybe we heal by affirming that even with this pain, we can craft a life that gives us meaning; that even when there are storms that flood our hearts, we can learn how to swim; that when night falls, we can learn to create our own light.

Maybe healing means trusting that no matter how many times we have to recreate ourselves and redirect our path, we will end up where weโ€™re meant to be. โ€” Daniell Koepke

At the end of the day, we have it all.

A few things got me with through yesterday but alcohol was not one of them.

When you go through hard shit sober, itโ€™s a lot. Like a lot a lot. ๐Ÿ˜ซ ++ when you pretty much drank for all the emotions + youโ€™re forced to sit with them finally. Holy hell.
But damn.
When you break throug

When you come out the other side. ๐ŸŒˆ

When the rational side overcomes the emotional side and all the work you put in can be used to get you through. That is pure MAGIC.โœจ I lost it yesterday. Emotionally. I broke. But at the end of the day. I am still whole. I am not broken.

My life is as I have designed it and I am proud of its beautiful mess. I have my boys and I have Kiki; my parents are healthy and Iโ€™m loved; my girlfriends are caring and always show up.

We are healthy. We are thriving. At the end of the day we have it all. And what a feeling that is when you can feel that amazingness fully.ย 

#alcoholfreeย #teetotalerย #domesticabusesurvivorย #warrior