We are NOT what happened to us, we are what we choose to become.

𝕎𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕦𝕤, 𝕨𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕨𝕖 𝕔𝕙𝕠𝕠𝕤𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕓𝕖𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕖. 🖤

A lesson I will stop at nothing to make sure the boys truly understand.

Walking through Publix yesterday, Carter said. “Remember when you used to drink wine?” I said yes I do. He said “why did you stop?” + even though I have spoken about this to them before I said, “I didn’t like how it was making me feel and it wasn’t letting me be the best mom I could be, so I stopped.” Jax chimes in “makes sense”👴🏻🤣 It’s important to me that they understand that choices make us or break us.

They already have a prime example of what bad choices with addiction can lead. They already see when someone chooses a substance over being present and able to parent them.

They know their father is sick but I also will not sugarcoat that his disease can be treated and he can recover, he chooses addiction. So this is where choices will show true colors regardless of lies and denial.

Today on the beach living our peaceful + abundant life by design I have 11 months free from alcohol and a life time to go, daily teaching these boys that they are meant for greatness + nothing can stand in their way if they don’t allow it.

ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ… 𝕎𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕦𝕤, 𝕨𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕨𝕖 𝕔𝕙𝕠𝕠𝕤𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕓𝕖𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕖. 🖤

Donut Worry, Be Happy.

I’m a cryer. 
I cry when I’m excited, sad, mad, happy etc etc. #alltheemotions

I had taken a happier selfie but then I had a moment. A moment when my eyes filled with tears and my brain and body was overwhelmed with anxiety and fear. A moment that can be paralyzing for me. Why this happens exactly I’m not sure, usually a trigger of some kind.

But the trigger is not what I think about, it’s how I cope with what’s happening that I focus on. 
I find the days when my hormones switch from ovulating to preparing for my period my emotions take a dive. If I’m not careful I can spend days in a huge funk, when I was drinking these days could turn into weeks.

Using alcohol to cope with feeling bad only pushed me further down. Such a viscous cycle and when you’re in the midst of it all and still “functioning” it seems a perfectly normal to cope.

Eliminating alcohol from my tool box has allowed me to really feel, in the mornings when I would have still been too groggy to function let alone to be awake at all, I’m up before the sun enjoying my drive with a smile on my face on the way to the gym. + yes sometimes tears…as I’m just so overwhelmed with GRATITUDE.

But it also makes me sit in the pain and the anguish that comes along with life and the past that we have had.

Things that would have sent me “needing a glass of wine” now have me breathing through, crying it out, and straight up LETTING IT GO!!! The shift in my mindset in my weakest moments has been nothing short of amazing.

Numbing the issues is no longer an option so I’m forced to push through and come out the other side. 
What Ive discovered during the last 332 days is I am more forgiving, loving, creative and feel more compassion that ever before. I can live in the moment and let go, I can breathe easy knowing, IM IN CONTROL + I GOT THIS.

There will always be shitty days, shitty people and just shit luck. We were dealt some shit cards but there is no way I’m gonna let a few bad moments kill the new vibe of our life. 

I was given a GIFT of this life and I plan to ENJOY IT. If I have to cry sometimes too, so be it! 

You ARE Doing It.

The stronger I feel the more I am drawn to help others.

I told my mom today that after what I have been through it’s like I have spidey senses when it comes to toxic and harmful people or behavior. ++ the vibes don’t lie.

I know what I share can be uncomfortable for some to read and if you’ve been around a while you know I do limited sugar coating on the stuff I post.

But I post these things because I know in my heart someone somewhere needs to read it. I know that as much fulfillment and greatness this business brings to my life I was put here for more. I experienced what I did and were dealt these cards to help others fight + not feel alone.

To help them demand and fight for better and believe that if they trust in themselves they can break free from the chains of abuse. 
I remember thinking life was hopeless; I remember thinking this was just the way it was.

I just want…shit need you to feel the joys of freedom and happiness. I want you to know this is possible. I want you to know I am here for you and am rooting for you.

You can do this. YOU are DOING IT! 🖤✨

PS: I totally hid my broken pinky nail taking this selfie that’s more for me than you 🤓 #keepingitreal

Create Change Daily

I went searching for some old videos last night and couldn’t help but notice some major changes in myself.

Things I do DAILY
  • 🧘🏻‍♀️Practice positive self talk + mediation.
  • 🏋🏻‍♀️Workout out before 6am 4 times a week
  • Do not drink any alcohol. ❌
  • Chug loads of 💧
  • Drink Ningxia Red + Uber Greens
  • Give GRACE + embrace TRUE Love 💕
  • Eat a LOT of Tacos. 🌮

Put a little Neosporin on it.

Sooo after my ex almost killed me smashing his head to mine repeatedly he told me to put a “little Neosporin on it”.

Like that actually happened. Minutes after seeing me bloody and broken that was his response.
Not medical attention or any type of remorse.
Nope. NEOSPORIN. 🤦🏻‍♀️ like first of all DUDE
Gross. 🤢 We don’t use that ish. ❌

Secondly. A doctor. 
I need a medical doctor read also stitches!!! 🙄🙄 I had a concussion and a split open face. I was so confused on what heck I was to do, my children were more confused than me and terrified!!!! I just felt if I went to the hospital they would take my kids.

I know sounds crazy, but I didn’t have anyone nearby I could call. I didn’t seek medical attention in fear of them being taken from me while I’m states away from anyone we could trust or could help us. 
He went off to work. Yes. Work. 


Within 48 hours we had packed and left but that’s only the beginning of his promises to fix my face and get me “plastic surgery” 🤔

Ha. I laugh when I think about how many emails said he would pay for my plastic surgery. 😒🤣 They say you cant get fixed by what broke you. + no doubt that’s true. 
thanks to the warrior scar serum I never once had to consider help from my attacker for my healing.

Here is some more info and what I use for my scar healing.  
Warrior Scar Serum. ✨👏🏼🌈

Leave the Light On

I lost my husband to addiction.

He’s still living (we think) but as a husband and father to my children, addiction to pills took him about a year into our marriage. I didn’t realize how bad til years later and by the end it got so bad he was stealing money from us nightly and when I planned to leave he nearly killed me in front of our 3 boys.

We left.

We are safe.

But he is gone. Long gone into addiction, despite being giving tons of opportunities to recover or at least try.

Sadly during our life together alcohol was my crutch. It was my fuel to survive him.

++ survive I did.

Now that I’m almost 300 days #alcoholfree and over 2 years gone, I see how badly alcohol kept me captive to him and his abusive life.

I was almost killed by this man, on paper and as a human being he is literally a POS yet the more sober days under my belt the more I wish for him to find recovery.

For him to finally feel the happiness + peace the boys and I have.

I don’t want pay back; I don’t want revenge. I want him to finally be free from his addiction. 🙏🏼🖤

If you would have told me when I first left with a broken face these thoughts would be mine, I wouldn’t have believed you. I was still searching for answers; for a reason why. Answers + reasons that will never come.

I hope + pray someone, somewhere leaves the light on + he finds his way.

I’ll Be Happy When…

I used to do oil classes and work out of a closet. Not a big fancy closet that’s really a room. A narrow wooden dark place that doubled as both work + sanctuary. 

I remember when my “Oil Office” was the only place that felt safe, that felt mine. I remember thinking if I just get to GOLD our life will change. I so badly thought if I just achieved certain things, if I looked a certain way, it would change things, change him. Sad really. 

But we do this all the time as humans. 

I’ll be happy when… I’ll be successful when… I’ll be satisfied when…. We put our happiness, success and satisfaction with life in the hands of events out of our control, work + people who don’t have our best interest in mind + expectations of life that doesn’t exist outside of an Instagram feed.

We wait for these things to happen. We wait for outside things to provide a feeling that we could achieve ourselves, if we just didn’t compromise to things that caused us pain or stole our joy. If we lived in the moment instead of the “when”.

Surrounding yourself with work, people and energy that provide safety, encouragement + love is the only way to flourish + find true happiness.

The rest that follows is just a bonus. ✨🖤

I like me alcohol free.

Y’all know I’m a sucker for a side by side. Here’s the last 3 Mother’s Day weekends.

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2017 my first Mother’s Day after leaving the abuse. Not my first one “single” by any means + the pain and the darkness is still super real here behind the eyes and smile. Don’t get me wrong, I had a wonderful brunch with a friend and the kids. It really felt like good change, I felt strong, safe. But I still hung to alcohol like a safety net, it’s hardly noon here and I’m sipping on a Moscow mule. 🙄🙄

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2018 We celebrated our first Mother’s Day with Keeks in our new home. I am truly happy here, you can see the changes in my eyes + my smile but I was still harboring sooo much agony, losing Bo just a month prior I had really started to heavily drink again. It took me a couple more months of denial and sinking into the bottle to realize I needed to let go of alcohol.

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2019: almost 300 days without booze, sitting with my girls after our whole meal, eyes opened and crystal clear, bright skin, sober mind. Typically by this time of a girls night I’d have VoCo eyes. 🙄 a nickname I proudly took on which meant drunk me. 🤦🏻‍♀️

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I love my girls dinners, being with my friends feeds my soul. Before kids I probably spent 80% of my time out and “partying”. For so long I assumed I was a good time only with alcohol. Insecurities flood your mind and alcohol turns off that part of your brain, so you’re not cooler or funnier….you just don’t care.

The first few nights out “sober” with my girls proved my wit, personality + story telling doesn’t come from VoCo. It comes from me. + I really like me alcohol free. 🤗🥰