Numbing Doesn’t Make Anything Go Away.

News Flash. 

Waiting til 5pm to drink is NOT normal + should NOT be acceptable.

Drinking by THE MUG does NOT give character or help be a better mom.

#FACTS

How do I know this? 

BECAUSE INSTEAD……
  • It stole my light.
  • It made me weak to abuse. 
  • It made me forget what I needed to remember.
  • It made me a sitting target for #fuckthatguy to distort my words, my emotions or my memory. 
  • It made me age and get more wrinkles.
  • It made me grumpy in the morning + foggy all day. 
  • It made me short tempered with my children. 
  • It made me puffy and inflamed my body. 
  • It gave me permission to stay. 😞

Numbing the things gave me excuses that my toxic life was ok, but numbing doesn’t make anything go away.

Only change got us where we are today. Only making clear cut decisions to remove all toxicity allowed for healing + growth. 

The change on the outside is simply amazing but I don’t share for just the physical changes….I want y’all to feel the changes I’ve felt within. 

For the light, love and hope is strong my friends. 🖤✨

Wake daily with GRATITUDE

When I quit drinking I was terrified how I would navigate life without alcohol. Denial and delusion led me to thinking that I somehow could not live without the very thing that was making me the most miserable. 🤯

Think about that for a second. Absolutely astonishing that we would live a life that is killing our minds, bodies, and spirits because we are afraid of how we will go to a event or do life without booze. Our culture sells us the idea that everything is easier, more sparkly, more fun, more relaxing, and more tolerable with alcohol. 

This was not the case for me. + if you’re questioning your relationship with alcohol this is probably not the case for you either. 

Quitting drinking opened my mind, body + soul to heal and grow in ways I never could have imagined. I wake daily with gratitude for the evolution of my whole world. 

If you are struggling through your first days or months, do not just quit drinking, seek truth, healing, and the beautiful evolution of your soul.

You, soul sister, you are capable of creating an amazing and beautiful life! 🖤

Thank You, Baby CoCo

I can put these pictures side-by-side but I can never compare these two women at all. They are not the same person. Not even close.

When I was pregnant with Nolan (age 31) I remember telling some of my closest friends that 33 was officially going to be my year, the year for me. I figured I’d have one year of a newborn + breastfeeding, one more of finding my groove working from home with 3 kids but after that it’s on and I was getting my happy.

I had no idea how profound + true that statement was going to be. During the first years of Nolan’s life I breastfed til 11 months, moved to North Carolina and had our life flipped upside down. We moved back to Florida after leaving my ex for abuse at 33. By 34 we were in our first place with our STUFF and by 35 I was celebrating over a year with my soul mate #keeksncokes and living my BEST life.

This July I turn 36 with a year of living alcohol free under my belt; I’ll be running in my first 5k and jumping in the lavender fields in Utah with my MOM. I’ll come home to a man who fully supports me and my dreams 💯. Kiss on my happy and healthy children, ready to take on the next year fulfilled!

I may not be that girl on the left anymore, not even close. But I thank her. I thank her for being brave, for not giving up and for speaking into the universe that we deserve and demand better and making it happen! 👊🏼🖤✨

what a dark + bumpy dark with so much joy and sunshine at the other end. 🌈✨💫🖤 .

Tiger Stripes with a side of Abs

For the last couple months at the gym I’ve skipped the treadmill and made all my weights heavier. 💪🏼 My goal was to build my core and my booty. Running like I had been was burning off too much of what I needed to gain. I was literally running my ass off! 🤣

So I changed up a bit of my routine + been pushing myself to try more advanced exercises. I still get nervous of the unknown at the gym so getting more confident there has been amazing. Feeling how strong I’m becoming from the inside out is seriously the best reward. 👏🏻 I have actual abs forming and I could cry! 🥰😍🤗 if the 16 year old me could see me now. You can see how these shorts fit now that I’ve beefed up my booty and legs. #allthesquats


The stretch marks are still there, they are much lighter and my skin is definitely firmer since starting the boswellia wrinkle cream on my stomach daily. But ladies, don’t let the picture fool you, I still very much have saggy skin. If I even start to bend over it crinkles up! 😳🤣 It’s simply part of being a mama bear and I’m totally ok with that.

9 Months

Cheers to 9 Frankin’ months without alcohol. 👏🏻

This anniversary is extra for me as I have done 9 months before with all 3 of my pregnancies. I never drank or had any issue giving it up when pregnant but I was right back wine-ing it up as soon as possible after my boys were born. After all in this mommy wine culture drinking is totally normal and pretty much given to you as a way to cope or do literally all motherhood with. 

I thought that was normal. That drinking to solve problems or numb your feelings was normal. I was normal. But it’s not. I’m not. My drinking was never normal, ever. So now I have none, never. 😎

This new milestone is a big one mentally + I celebrate my continued health + wellness through exercise, meditation, grace, + loving on the people who allowed these changes in me to be possible.

‘and i said to my body. softly. ‘i want to be your friend.’ it took a long breath. and replied ‘i have been waiting my whole life for this.’

Nayyirah Waheed 

You can not heal in the place that made you sick.

Everyday since saying no to alcohol, I’ve learned things about myself that I had been hiding away out of fear, anxiety, and past trauma.

When you aren’t able to be your true self even in your own home this puts a darkness and negative energy on who you are.

It makes you doubt, have guilt, resentment and get angry.

You can not heal in the place that made you sick

#readthatagain

As I slowly allowed things I was hiding with booze to emerge, I wasn’t greeted with insults or scare tactics. I wasn’t told I was too sensitive or crazy.

I was met with kindness + hugs. Forehead kisses and whispers of it’s going to be ok. I was told I was enough and how loved I was. 🖤 #ohkiki

Some days it didn’t make any sense to me. When you’re treated one way for so long you start to second guess things. 

You start to wait for things to go wrong. 
When will he be mean to me? When will he hurt me? 
But the truth that shows up daily is that he’s NEVER going to be mean to me. He’s never going to hurt me.

+ in my most weak and vulnerable he will only help and protect me.

We are not perfect. Lord knows we will make mistakes. But we are in this for each others happiness and love without fear, without anxiety, without anger + regret. 


Everyday I fall more in love with this man as he continues to show me over and over I am safe, loved and enough. #keeksncokes

I birthed 3 babies. I can do anything.

A women’s body can do amazing things. 

Instead of using having 3 kids as an excuse why I can’t take care of my body, I use it as the excuse why I must. 💪🏼🖤✨ I carried safely 3 big healthy babies to term and my body did things I never could have imagined until childbirth. 


When things get hard or burn in my workout. I remind myself I BIRTHED 3 BABIES + I remember that I’m a bad ass mama and push through. 
I even use this mantra when I do things like stub my toe. #ibirthed3babies

You know because I am a BIG girl like that. 😉

Blowing out someone else’s candle will never make yours shine brighter.

I teach my boys that calling someone skinny is the same as calling someone fat.

Telling someone to eat a hamburger because you think they aren’t heavy enough is just as wrong as telling someone who is heavier to have a salad. 😒

If we don’t have something nice to say, we don’t say it + we don’t get to have opinions on someone else’s body. 


I also help explain that if opinions are formed as human’s naturally do….not everything you think should be said.

 #ifyoudonthaveanythingnicetosaydontsayanythingatall 👏🏻🙌🏼🖤

I knew as I started back on my fitness journey I would start to get the slack from the side of “you’re too thin” people + “I would be happy with your before pic” people. It’s inevitable really. I try to ignore it only beucase they have no clue what I’ve been through, how hard I work, and only the few who are willing to do what I do, or go where I go will understand.

I just use these times as learning and teaching experiences for me and my boys on what not to do. #raisingmen

“Blowing out someone else’s candle will never make yours shine brighter.” 

Growing + Evolving

Closing chapters and doors for me has never been easy. 
I always get a tug at me like I’m failing or quitting, but that’s not the case. 
I’m growing and evolving.

When every dollar helps you survive; saying no doesn’t exists. 
You want me to make that? Yes! 
You want to buy 2726 of that? Yes! 
A new design on every single item? Yes!

Now I am choosing to say no.

Not because I don’t want to share or make my items. 
Simply I’ve outgrown this part of my business and the “need” to survive isn’t life or death anymore.

It’s not say yes or we don’t eat.
It’s not say yes or we can’t pay that bill.
It’s not say yes so we don’t lose our car (again). It’s saying no, so you can help that girl who needs you.

It’s saying no, so you can help your new members navagiate ER and learn about their oils.

It’s saying no, so you can do things that bring life + joy and not just a Cha Ching. 💰

I can finally say NO without fear of what I will lose.

That power is something I will not allow my inner doubt to mask + call failing or quitting.

I did not fail. 
I did not quit.

I have evolved. 
I have grown.

I have just begun.

Healing from within.

A little over 2 years ago I left my abusive husband after he nearly killed me in front of our 3 boys.

During the demise of our marriage, years of living a life with him that was horrible to endure I dove very heavily into drinking to cope.

Help me sleep, numb the loneliness and to straight up deal with his bullshit. I was forever rewarding myself for dealing with him or drinking him away.

It took me over a year after leaving to realize alcohol wouldn’t save or heal me from our past or our trauma. If only it was holding me captive.

Over 18 months ago I literally met the love of my life. He is not a drinker (by choice his mother struggled growing up so he chose not to drink) I was drinking when we first got together + I thought for sure that it would be a detriment to our new relationship.

However this wasn’t the case. It didn’t make my relationship worse, or cause us issues rather kept me from feeling and experience all the new and wonderful that was happening.

Slowly I realized that my drinking was keeping me from being fully present and being able to truly live my best life.

I am happy.

I am safe.

I AM LOVED!!

there was no reason for me to continue drinking anymore to cope

if anything it was keeping me back.

Almost 9 months free of alcohol and the changes still blow me away.

My eyes are actually brighter. What went brown and cold turned back Hazel with light behind it.

I simply can’t be grateful enough for the strength each day to not drink.

It’s been hard but everyday proves over and over to be worth it!